Meeting Time - Wordsmith.org

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Happy New Year to all. Here�s a brief glossary of terms you may find useful for minutes of meetings, in case you are so afflicted in your professional or social lives!

OT: We explored all possible solutions to the problem.
Actual Meaning: Opinions were like arseholes � everybody had one.

Official Term: The results were inconclusive.
AM: Sod-all was accomplished.

OT: It is suggested that the wisest course�.
AM: This is what I want�

OT: While no conclusive agreement was reached, we feel that definite progress was made towards resolving differences.
AM: The other bastards wouldn�t budge an inch.

OT: It is widely accepted that�
AM: One other person agreed with me.

OT: A great deal of additional work will be necessary before the proposal can be acted upon.
AM: Nobody understood it.

OT: It is hoped that this report will stimulate increased interest in the problem.
AM: For God�s sake, let some other poor schmuck get saddled with this next time.

OT: This concludes the committee�s appraisal of the situation.
AM: We wash our hands of the whole bloody mess!

The moral lies in a quote that Anu used a while ago:

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it is spent. Be careful lest other people spend it for you.

~ Carl Sandburg

Posted By: wwh Re: Meeting Time - 01/03/02 03:27 PM

Dear Mav: I enjoyed your account of committee life. Reminded me to be glad I'm retired.

Posted By: Faldage Re: Meeting Time - 01/03/02 03:30 PM

It brings to mind the old definition of meetings; where the minutes are kept and the hours wasted.

Posted By: RhubarbCommando Re: Meeting Time - 01/03/02 03:40 PM

and my favourite aphorism, "A committee is a collection of the unknowing, chosen from the unwilling, to perform the unnecessary."

And my most used Minutes phrase is, "There was much discussion ..." meaning that the buggers argued for hours without coming to any real conclusion.

Posted By: Angel Re: Meeting Time - 01/03/02 08:15 PM

As the secretary for my snowmobile club for the third consecutive year, I heartily wish to thank you for your witticisms here. They surely will help my minutes sound much more professional! I am sure, based upon the group, I will use at least one or two in each meeting.

Posted By: Capital Kiwi Re: Meeting Time - 01/03/02 09:38 PM

There is a very funny article from a magazine I can't recall describing one man's efforts to avoid being invited to meetings. One approach I remember from the article involved bringing your bicycle into the meeting room and proceeding to fix a flat tyre. Another one was to get someone to ring you on your mobile phone every five minutes. I don't know if it's on line, but if I can find it, I'll post it.

Posted By: Angel Re: Meeting Time - 01/03/02 10:46 PM

Another one was to get someone to ring you on your mobile phone every five minutes.

I've used a similar approach to get out of booring meetings, I had a friend call my cell phone five minutes after walking into a meeting and would claim it to be the school nurse....Worked like a charm!Hope my boss isn't hiding here!

Posted By: Keiva Re: Meeting & Greeting - 01/04/02 01:12 AM

Angel, congrats on your promotion to Newbie! Welcome to the ranks of the regulars!

Board, what is the proper, techical term for reaching that rank? Nubification? Nubility?

Posted By: wofahulicodoc a dubious necessity - 01/04/02 06:34 PM

...and then there is the observation that meetings are most efficient and productive when held in a venue without chairs.

Remarkably sound, actually...