#155089 - 02/05/06 04:11 PM
Howye fokes
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GallantTed
enthusiast
Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 267
Loc: Ireland
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Howye fokes! How is things? Moneywise, last week was a bitta a disaster fer us Teds, fer sure. Firsta all, after a all time high, the sales a our home-grown mushroom** soup went on a right downer. Then seconda all MadDogTed’s attimpt at a bank-job went pear-shaped after he discovered that he’d put his hoodie on back ta front.
Well, lookily fer us didn’t we see a add on the internet offeren us a course in how ta get rich fierce quick. The classes is run by the world renouned onterpineer, Mrs Trudy Loff and she sent us a reel nice personal email tellen us that a cute buncha tallented onterpineeren Teds like us could call her Tru. We was right chuffed, I’ll tell ya, and being a biteen shorta cash, we had ta go ta Mr Slasher fer a loan fer ta sign up ta Tru’s course, cos these thing don’t come cheep, ya know.
Mr Slasher looked a biteen dubious fer sure and told us that he’d hearda manys the poor crature what ended up ruffen it in the workhouse after signen up fer the very same course. One guy was advised ta purchase a pile a land fer ta make a football pitch outa. He borrowed up ta his eyeballs only ta discover that the land was riddled with moles and it were too bumpy fer anyone ta play on. Then there was the woman what was advised ta spealise in luxury desserts, and paid through the nose fer a secret recipe fer custard but, alas, it always came out lumpy no matter what she did. And then there was Mr Slasher’s very own cousin, Mildred, what spent a arm and a leg on anti-cellulite cream what only made the problem worse and was sued ta the oxters by her angry clientelle.
Which only goes ta prove ta ye fokes - the course a Tru Loff never did run smooth.
Be seein ya
GallantTed
(**The sale a magic mushrooms was banned last week in Ireland)
Edited by GallantTed (02/05/06 04:14 PM)
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#155090 - 02/06/06 12:38 PM
Re: Howye fokes
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AnnaStrophic
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 6380
Loc: lower upstate New York
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... and therein lies a shaggy bear tale.
What is it about TEDS and puns? 
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#155095 - 04/03/06 05:19 PM
Howye fokes
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GallantTed
enthusiast
Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 267
Loc: Ireland
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Howye fokes! How is things? I’ve no dout that the more cultured a ye what do be readen me collum will be fimilar with the Annual Nag Gag Simposium what’s open ta everyone so long as yer a ass or a jinnit or something along them breeds. The contestints spend the weekend tellen joaks, funny stories and the like and then on the last night the best contestints is picked ta go inta the grand final where the overall winner with the most amusen and original story is picked. Anyways, fer the very furst time this year’s simposium was held beyont in Slasher’s Bar (and Grill).
Now, the animal called The Champ, what was tipped ta win the final, was a proper show off alltagather and had all us annoyed goen on about how hillarious he was and how he’d won the title fer 5 years runnen and how his victory was in the nose-bag fer sure. I’ll tell ya, he just loved ta hear himself brayen and could talk the hind-legsa a donkey fer sure.
Which in fact is just what the ejjit did. And before hoofen it outa town from the sheer boredom a the constant whinnyen, the sed hind-legs told everyone the very joak what The Champ had up his sleeve fer the grand final - so by the time he told it up on the stage it was no longer original and was rendered null and vide. Which put a bita a dampner on the night cos everyone had been saven their belly laffs fer the final and now there was no grate joak ta gaffaw or heehaw at. But then, next thing ya know, didn’t MadDogTed shout up “It just goes ta show ye fokes - a mule and his funny is soon parted!”
Well, the place errupted fer sure and that’s how, fer the furst time ever, a humble little teddy bear – with no horsey connection whatsoever - won the the Annual Nag Gag Simposium.
Be seein ya
GallantTed
PS anyone want ta buy a year's supplya oat n apple flavoured straw? Unwanted prize. Goen cheep. Apply within.
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#155096 - 04/03/06 05:36 PM
Re: Howye fokes
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etaoin
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 6045
Loc: Vermont
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gratz, GT. 
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#155097 - 04/24/06 04:29 PM
Re: Howye fokes
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GallantTed
enthusiast
Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 267
Loc: Ireland
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Howye fokes! How is things? Wouldn’t that Samuel Briquette fella burn a hole in the bleek black bowels a yer brain fer sure? He wrote some grate stuff alltagather and was a infinity ahed a his time. I mean, he had wrote that mind blowen play, “Waiten 4 Go.com” yonks before the internet was even invented.
A course, us Teds have no problem getten him. Like the time we was all doen the course on the arta stage production and we told him ta go off fer ta find a glass hammer. He was gone fer a eternity but he had a grate laff alltagather when we eventually let him in on the joak. He just loved the aimlessness and futility a it all ta boot, and scribbled a few things down in his little bleek book.
He’s got a grate heda hair on him alltagather and Albear Camoo goes up ta him and sez “Have ya updock in yer hair?” “What’s updock?” sez Briquette. “A, a, a, a, what’s up doc?” sez Albear, doen his best Bugs Bunny vice. Well, he nearly died a the laffen, I’ll tell ya, and sed not ta be so absurd cos his hair was actually devoid a human conditioner. Well, we hadn’t mucha a clue what he was on about, but then he added that with all our little pranks us Teds were the only ones what totally got him every time, so then the hole thing began ta make some sense.
In fact, he was so delighted with us that he called fer a celebration and told MadDogTed - what by now was haff high at the profoundness a it all - that the drinks was on the house, and next thing ya know wasn’t me little pal up on the roof waiten ta be served. A course, he soon copped that Briquette was just haven him on and came down delighted with himself cos that grate man, Samual Briquette, had just got him – and Lord knows, he’s about the only man what ever did.
Be seein ya
GallantTed
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