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The Chaosby Dr. Gerard Nolst Trenité aka Charivarius (1870-1946)
Dearest creature in creation
I will teach you in my verse
I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Tear in eye your dress you'll tear,
Pray, console your loving poet,
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
Made has not the sound of bade,
Now I surely will not plague you
But be careful how you speak,
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Hear me say, devoid of trickery:
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles.
Wholly, holly, signal, signing.
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
From "desire": desirable--admirable from "admire."
Chatham, brougham, renown, but known.
One, anemone. Balmoral.
Gertrude, German, wind, and mind.
Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
This phonetic labyrinth
Billet does not end like ballet;
Blood and flood are not like food,
Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Viscous, Viscount, load, and broad.
And your pronunciation's O.K.,
Rounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve,
Liberty, library, heave, and heaven,
We say hallowed, but allowed,
Mark the difference, moreover,
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Camel, constable, unstable,
Petal, penal, and canal,
Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit,
But it is not hard to tell,
Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, and chair,
Ivy, privy, famous, clamour
Pussy, hussy, and possess,
Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Stranger does not rime with anger.
Soul, but foul and gaunt but aunt.
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger.
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, and gauge,
Query does not rime with very,
Dost, lost, post; and doth, cloth, loth;
Though the difference seems little,
Seat, sweat; chaste, caste.; Leigh, eight, height;
Reefer does not rime with deafer,
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Tour, but our and succour, four,
Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Compare alien with Italian,
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Say aver, but ever, fever.
Never guess--it is not safe:
Heron, granary, canary,
Face but preface, but efface,
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ear but earn, and wear and bear
Seven is right, but so is even,
Monkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk,
Pronunciation--think of psyche--!
Won't it make you lose your wits,
It's a dark abyss or tunnel,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Don't you think so, reader, rather,
Finally: which rimes with "enough"
Hiccough has the sound of "cup."